Jasmine Hart

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. I really like the form in the first two stanzas. It really compliments the content. I'd change the third line ...

Hi, You handle the form beautifully. "Wishing on stars for you" works nicely. I'd change "Hoping and praying" to something more visual. Show us how the speaker moves, acts,appears, while ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. The rhythm of the first stanza is great and I really love the final decisive line. The imagery in the ...

Hi, The rhythm is great and I really love the internal rhyme! I'd try to add more imagery, rather than stating outright what you want to convey. Especially since this ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. This is an interesting subject and the imagery works well. The simplicity of the tone really accentuates the horror of ...

Hi, This wasn't at all what the title caused me to expect, and I thought that that was really great! I enjoyed your imagery, particularly in the second stanza, and ...

Hi, I thought that this was really great. It flows nicely and your imagery is very effective. I especially enjoyed "shells of my fingers"-it's a great image. The opening lines ...

Hi, This was refreshing and flowed nicely. The last stanza was particularly powerful, and the tone of the speaker works very well. It develops smoothly from beginning to end, which ...

Hi, I think that this is a beautifully written flows nicely and the imagery is great. I especially enjoyed "chewed her nails" and "the rumpled sheets...mountains" and "linen land." I ...

Hi, This is a powerful piece and the rhyme works well. I love how you go through all the different characters. There are some minor mistakes with spelling and punctuation. ...

Thanks guys! I'll take another look at this soon and see if I can fix it in accordance with your thoughts.:)

Hi, I think the rhyming couplets work really nicely here. I love "Yellow flowers sleep in their beds." I'd change "White fluffy clouds" because that's an easy image. Is there ...

Hi, The third and final stanzas are very good. They flow well, the voice of the speaker comes across strongly, I like the use of the question, and "when breathing ...

Hi, Your imagery is great and your last two lines are really beautiful. It flows very well. I'd cut the more abstract phrases, which focus on the speaker's internal reality, ...

Hi, The rhythm here is really great. I love the sound and flow of the piece, especially the half-rhyme in the first two lines. The last three lines are very ...